Letting go is not an easy thing for me to do. I have certain OCD tendancies that manifest in interesting and peculiar ways. When I decide to collect something, I am a completionist; I work to get a complete set. It is hard for me to view the gap in the collection binder where the last pieces needs to fit. In many ways, that is a behaviour of the past for me. I do not collect much of anything anymore. I have an extension boardgame collection that I “collect” and “play” and I do pursue some of the expansions with zest and zeal. I have started to sell off part of the boardgame collection and have learned to let go of the aspect of collecting on many fronts.
One area in my life where the concept of collecting took on a different perspective, was friendships. As a group organizer, I had a tendancy to collect friendships. Strange concept. Then 2009 cames along and I decided to focus on establishing better personal boundaries. It was an important part of my personal journey. I needed to put better boundaries in place to distance myself from unhealthy patterns and relationships. This was a boundary in which I was learning to say no to certain behaviours in some my friends. The difficulty is in saying no to a behaviour is often seen as saying no to a person. It never occured to me that some people do not distinguish who they are from how they behave. In the end, when I was saying I cannot accept this behaviour anymore, to some it meant that I could no longer accept them as a person. This left a number of holes and gaps in my collection of friends and acquaintances and my old collecting OCD patterns started to kick in.
People are not collections and boundary redefiinition is a good thing. Everything grows at a different pace and it only stands to reason that along our journey, we outgrow some of the relationships we had established along our way. It is a bit sad to walk away from certain people with out looking back, but that is part of the cost for a journey and commitment to a personal growth journey. Recently, I have been thinking about some of the past relationships I have had; people I use to hang around with and share a lot of memories. The past, the present, and the future are very different beasts. I like where I am at in life and appreciate the work I have performed to get here. I also see a bright future, full of exciting new possibilities. It is not practical or possible to live in all three worlds at the same time. Beginnings require endings, just as a butterfly must leave the old pattern and shape of his existence to transform from a larvae to the butterfly.
My recent reflections have been about letting go. I look back fondly at memories I have shared with certain friends and honor those memories with a smile. I do not need to feel saddened or diminished because they are no longer in my life. I celebrate that part of my journey and give thanks to the time we had together on my journey. I have since rounded a corner. When I look back, the bend in the road obscures my view of some of those relationships that served their purpose and filled a need. The bend in the road represents the boundaries I have established. I cannot remove those boundaries and remain true to myself. Today I give thanks to the various people who I have encountered on my path. I cherish all of the memories and laughs we have shared.I honor and cherish the circle of quality friends in my life, I honor and cherish the memories with those fleeting friendships and acquainatnces. Mostly, I honor the ability to distinguish the two.
To Absent Friends
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth. ~ Robert Southey