I think I have ADOS; Attention-Deficit Ooooh Shiny….
I need to adjust the aperture of my focus from time to time. I simply love exploring new ideas and new experiences. Sometimes I get a bit too over-committed or get involved in too many things. Yesterday, I was quite tired and I think I am fighting off the summer cold that Kathy is getting. Lots and lots of vitamin C. Anyways, I stayed home to rest and used the time to contemplate my current lack of focus. It is time to make some more adjustments to my daily ritual. Time to eliminate some distractions and mitigate some others. There are some projects and professional development steps I wish to pursue and it will take focus to make these happen. Here’s to the process that recognizes I am off my tracks and gets me back on track. I have tremendous focus when I use it, I need to use it more.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. ~ Jack Dixon

I have never been an avid reader or fan of comics (graphic novels). I remember reading comics growing up and they were fine, it is just not something that really stuck with me. Recently, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and revisit some Conan. This has nothing to do with the upcoming Conan movie release, just wandering through the halls of nostalgia. The only comics I remember really enjoying were Conan and some weird WWII soldier / ghost story mash-up.

I decided to pick up Volumes 0 -10 of the Dark Horse series that tried to closely follow Robert E. Howard’s story arc. So far, so good. I am enjoying the series and it is bringing me back to a time as a boy where I was quite captivated by the world of Conan and his tales of exploit and plunder. This is a real departure from my normal reading and is a nice light summer read. I have to say that it has rekindled my interest in the fantasy genre as the world is rich with detail, mystique, and legend. Thanks Dark Horse and ComicReaders for a nostalgic trip full of adventure.

Mongol General: What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Letting Off Steam

Yesterday, I posted about “Anxiety”. I felt today required a follow up. Let us talk about what is important first; Mom’s health. She had her surgery yesterday and 80% of the dead scar tissue was removed from the bladder. The pathology reports were not discussed, but a follow up appointment would be established in two or three months. We read that as a pretty good sign that things are progressing well. That is a huge relief. Mom has had such a rough year.

Our new furnace was installed yesterday and that means the A/C is working again. Should help considerably with allergies and sleep. With everything that I was writing about yesterday, my tipping point was trying to book a multi-city trip using my Aeroplan points. Basically, you can’t. Some weird policies govern how reward travel points can or cannot be used for booking travel. To make matters even more difficult, these policies are not published or widely understood, even by Aeroplan staff members. You try to book a flight and it online and you get a message, invalid itinerary. Then you have to call their call centre to try to have them book the flight and that is when, after much waiting, you find out that it violates their multi-city policy guidelines and cannot be booked. Only through the process of a phone agent can this be learned. Even it it was possible to book through them, it is not possible to book online. Then they inform you that if you use and agent instead of booking online, you will incur a $30 charge per flight per person booking fee. Kinda silly.

With everything that was going on yesterday, that is what made me grumpy. That is what I reflected on this morning. I need to step back from this and laugh about it, not get upset. The fact that we have the miracle of human flight should be a wonder and subject of gratitude in and of itself. Having to wade through a bit of bureaucracy and jump through a couple of hoops is minor compared to the benefit. I am using this opportunity to reset my perspective and be thankful for the opportunity to travel and not belabor the booking process. Besides, I do not like the grumpy me that much. Time to tell him to go away.

T’is better to appreciate today today than to lament yesterday tomorrow. ~ Charles Henry

Sometimes, even I wonder at my choice of topic for a gratitude blog post. Lately, I feel anxiety has been coming to call. I think there are a number of things going on right now that are causing anxiety. The weird thing is that I am processing and handling this fairly well. I want to touch and highlight on some of the things on my mind today and use this opportunity to explore my sources of anxiety and reaction to those things.

First and foremost is mom. As I write this, she is at a Halifax Hospital. She is having a crucial scope and procedure to see how effective the treatment for the bladder cancer was. In addition, the pathology reports should be available. Today we learn that Mom has beaten this, or is still faced with the battle. I feel I should be there with her and I am very concerned for her. I could hear her worry over the phone last night. Tugs at my heart, she really just needed a hug.

Everything else I have in front of me pales in comparison to that, but it does tend to add up. Also as I write this, our furnace is being replaced. The cost to repair it was going to be significant and no guarantee that it would solve our furnace woes, so might as well replace it. We have been without a functioning furnace for almost 4 months. No big deal, but the A/C is tied to the furnace so it is no longer functioning. Air conditioning is one of the ways I can control and mitigate the suffering of seasonal allergies. The allergies are bad this year. All of the rain followed by this heat wave means anything and everything is in full bloom. I at least will be seeing an allergist in the days ahead to see about better treatment options. I am still recovering from a bruised rib, should be fully healed in another couple of weeks. Thankfully, it never hampered my ability to go backpacking. Three days on a sleeping pad started to accelerate some aches and pains though. I did, however, find out that my knee pains if I do too much steep downhill hiking. The pain is located in the place where I broke my leg a few years ago. I need to jump on this with physio so I can make sure I maintain maximum mobility and flexibility. Hopefully, this is treatable with a regime of exercise and stretches. I am concerned about canoeing for a week up North. That is coming up quickly. I want to make sure that my body aches are at a minimum and I can handle a sleeping pad for a full week.

Back to monetary concerns. The fence project is almost done and coupled with the furnace replacement, this will be an expensive month. Bad planning on my part. Property taxes, vehicle insurance, house insurance all occur this time of year. Coming home from Alberta to find three rocks thrown through our living room windows was an unexpected surprise too. I am sure that will cost a bit to repair. We committed ourselves to some travel in August, September, and October this year and it all feels very hectic. In addition to the travel costs, the time away from work hurts the pocket book. Additionally, I have been helping mom with some of her movement expenses and her new apartment is costing more monthly than her previous residence. I am trying to find a way to transfer money from my Scotia bank account to her Royal bank account on a monthly basis and the banks seem stymied by how to automate this. Absolutely silly that they cannot handle this request. I may have to set up a Paypal account for mom to do this. Bizarre. One more thing, the A/C on the truck is broken and will cost over a$1000 to repair. Along with tires and some other  items with the truck that will be coming up for repair / replacement, it is time to sell the truck and get a newer vehicle. We depend on the truck too much for longer excursions to have it slide into a state of unreliability. I absolutely hate buying vehicles. They cost a lot and the whole process takes a phenomenal amount of effort and energy. Additionally, I am starting to seriously consider what my next career shift will be and with everything else going on, that just feels really big right now. I enjoy what I am doing professionally, I just need to do more of it.

Back to mom, my sister Bonnie just informed me via text that mom just went into surgery. That is really the only true concern right now. Everything else is just fluff. Love you mom. Be strong.

So, why do I write and expound on these tales of woe for a gratitude blog post? I am handling things remarkably well. I have never handled anxiety very well; I tend to get overwhelmed in times like these. I withdraw and re-focus. This time, I am shrugging my shoulders and simply resigning myself to the fact that that most of these items are beyond my control so I need to make sure my energy is not spent fretting about those items and is instead spent to focus on mitigating the impact of these items. I am surprisingly calm. I am thankful that I have more perspective and resilience to life’s struggles. Additionally, compared to most people on this planet, my worries are petty and insignificant in contrast to the monumental struggles some people face every day of their lives. So, even though I feel like I have some challenges, I feel like they are going to be met with strength and dignity, that is all I can ask for.

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.  ~ Leo Buscaglia

I want to take today to celebrate my own goofy, awkward nature. What better iconic image to represent this then my grade 2 school picture. Somehow, I thought it would be a good idea to cut my own hair the day before pictures were taken at school. I guess I figured I would have more hair left if I did it instead of dad. That was the day I realized that I would not have a future career in hair design.

What I really want to blog about today is a feeling while growing up that I was a bit different from mainstream society. Upon reflection, I bet everyone feels that, but I felt at a young age that I looked at things differently, and I thought about things differently. I was socially awkward as a kid and some days were gems, some were struggles. I would not trade them in for anything. The feeling of difference was an important cornerstone in my developmental years. I would not fully grasp the impact until many years later.

Today, I celebrate my difference and my goofy nature. I am pleased with myself that I do not feel a need to watch 15 hours of TV every week just so I can carry on a conversation on pop-culture media. I am also very pleased that I climbed down the corporate ladder and did not buy into the societal views of status of success. I do not feel I need to own a cottage, ski-doo, sea-doo, motorcycle, RV, quad, sports car, and a home in Phoenix to be successful. Society gives us a ready made formula for how life should be lived and what goals should be pursued, and that is a comfortable path for many. Not me. I am both pleased & proud that my different way of viewing the world has allowed me to debunk the societal norms.

I am still a gangly, awkward kid, albeit one with thinning hair and a pot belly. I still struggle in certain social settings. However, I celebrate my differences these days. I recognize and nurture those differences and accept them with open arms. What I have noticed is that when you are at peace with yourself and at peace with your beliefs, there are no longer any differences. They become similarities to the people you hold dear. They become a magnet that attracts others of like-minded views. Here’s to the goofy, offbeat people that bring color and character to the world. If I could meet that 8 yr old goofy kid that thought it would be cool to cut his own hair, I would say “Rock on little dude, you are a rockstar from mars. Keep no keeping on.” That would likely scar him for life as he pondered “What the hell did that weird old man just say to me?” The impact on the Geek-Time continuum would be profound to say the least.

Still Goofy with no fashion sense at 23.

I never felt comfortable with myself, because I was never part of the majority. I always felt awkward and shy and on the outside of the momentum of my friends’ lives. ~ Steven Spielberg

Oh Canada…om nom nom…We stand on guard for…om nom nom…True patriot…om nom nom (Yep, Canada day was a gorge fest with Lobster, Mussels, Salads, Corn on the Cob, Dessert, a few beers).

Instead of heading to the park for the official Canada Day festivities, we had some friends over for a Lobster potluck and a day of boardgames. The day was sunny and warm so we ended up spending most of it outside. People started showing up at 12:30 so we broke out the darts and played a few games in the back yard. Funny how we never play darts on our board inside, but the one hanging on the side of the garage gets played a lot. A few more showed up and after chillaxin’ around the fire pit, it was time to play some games. It was too nice out to go inside so we brought the games outside. We played a couple of games of Tumblin’ Dice with seven players. The game is easy, silly, and always a hit. After that we played a game of Bamboleo. That was a bit tougher to play as a sudden gust of wind would create an unstable board. Made for many laughs though. It was time to start thinking about food at that point so we started the mussels and four people decided to play a game of Taktika outside. It is well suited to out of doors play. Mussels were served and quickly consumed and the Corn and Lobster were started. We all sat outside for the feast and had a good time eating, drinking, chatting. After a great meal, we vegged a bit more and cleaned up the tell tale signs of a Lobster feast, then headed indoors for some more games. We played an eight player game of Turfmaster which just gets better with every play. We followed that up with a nine player game of Saboteur which plays very well with large groups. The evening ended with a nine player game of Ca$h & Gun$. I was basically eliminated early in the game, guess I need to be a little less trusting in that game. 🙂

This was a superb way to spend Canada Day. I thoroughly enjoyed the day. Something about the combination of food and friends really resonates with me. A very relaxed day with everyone involved. Adding boardgames to the mix was the gravy. I believe we need to do this once or twice more before the weather turns cold. Doing this potluck style makes it easy for everyone and keeps the focus on the social event. I am thankful for good friends, good food, and an opportunity to blend them into a enjoyable gathering in the backyard.

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.  ~ Voltaire

This will come off as an odd blog entry. I am sitting here writing this with a cracked/bruised rib. A chronic injury. My ribs are easily bruised or cracked resulting from the antics of my youth. Also, with all of the rain and then hot sun we have been having, the pollen counts is very high and my allergies are kicking my ass. This is made worse by the fact our furnace / air conditioner has not been working for three months. Normally, I can find respite in a cool air conditioned environment, but that is not to be so. I have been doubling up on allergy medication to no effect, fumbling with a netty pot for nasal relief and laying down with a face cloth and ice cubes over my eyes. Pretty dismal picture right? Wrong.

I will admit that bruised ribs and severe allergies can be unpleasant, but they are temporary maladies. In a month, the ribs will heal, and the allergies normally have a three week period where they are really bad; after that they have much less of an impact.

There are people that deal with much worse and on a ongoing basis. You do not have to look far to see people who are dealing with severe illness, terminal conditions, chronic pain, are confined to a wheel chair, or even bedridden. That puts it into perspective for me. Whatever I am dealing with is pretty damn minor. I am affected by seasonal allergies each year and normally, something flares up with my ribs on an annual basis. I look at it that each year I am given a gentle reminder to carpe diem. These minor setbacks offer humility as they remind me that my mobility is not something to take for granted. My health is not something to take for granted. I am thankful that I am a fairly healthy person who gets to lead an active life. I am thankful for my health and for the reminders that I should not take it for granted. (I will admit that it does suck to have an allergy sneezing fit and a bruised rib at the same time though).

The greatest wealth is health.  ~ Virgil