Gratitude – Day 62 (Self Awareness)

Analysis and Introspection make a great team. However, when you throw perfectionism in the mix, the whole thing goes south. Today, during reflection, I decided that this trinity of Analysis/Introspection/Perfectionism needs an overhaul. Through this journey, I am seeing some patterns more clearly. Breaking the patterns may be quite another thing all together. Perfectionism has to be the first thing on the chopping block. I need to meet & greet all of my imperfections or past transgressions in a much more accepting / forgiving manner. It is not that I constantly or emphatically berate myself. Nope, much smaller and more insidious. The negativity is small and almost undetectable. Small drops of shame, guilt, and regret trickle until they form a pool. The pool forms a stream, the stream creates a flow. That flow is what exerts negative influence in thoughts. It was time to go upstream to the maidenhead of this negativity. I cannot damn the stream, that is at best a temporary fix. I must go to the source and stop the flow. That is much harder.

I have worked very hard and with some great success when it comes to looking at all things positive and not focusing on the negative in my surroundings. It is time to take those attitudes inwards. There is nothing to be gained by measuring myself by unrealistic standards. Failures and adversity are indications that I am trying and I am doing. But failure is not in the “falling down”, it is in the “staying down”. My reflections in the morning are going to be altered to looking at these drops, one by one. One by one, I will watch them evaporate in the sunshine of forgiveness. The gifts of forgiveness and acceptance should not be reserved for the outside world. I think I will crave some off for myself.I am very thankful for this opportunity, I am very thankful for this awareness.

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *