#BixbyFifty #Day14 – Falling off a Horse

Hello blog. Remember me. That’s right, I am the fellow that was embarking on a journey of daily gratitude. Well, I left the trail for awhile, and I am trying to find my way back.

Today’s entry is about Odds & Sods. Nothing in general, just the daily buzz of routine life and being busy. I do not like being busy. I would much rather be efficient. For more on that visit my blog entry of June 16, 2009 I’m Busy (The New Badge of Honour)

I have truly been out of sorts lately. Even though the events of April 15th are getting more distant, I think they are exerting subtle impacts on me and my thinking. Today, I will explore that.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I tend to have a lot going on. I like to be at the heart of a number of initiatives and projects at any one time. I think that I take on a lot and manage the burden quite well. Being an analytical person sometimes has its advantages. I run the SaskGames website and set of initiatives, I am putting structure and events in motion of our annual flagship fundraiser this fall, I am getting my consulting business up & running and fully operational. I am juggling some business and family travel, I am continuing my education and exploration of collaboration tools and community building, and I manage to carve off a reasonable amount of time for the hobbies I enjoy.  Sounds good so far.

Well, lately, these things are not coming as easily to me. They are much more of a challenge and I think I know why. My thinking is scattered. My thoughts are jumbled and my mind is not the typical efficient engine churning out ideas and organizational structures. As much as the heart needs to process, grieve and heal, I guess my thinking machine needs to as well. I am certain with the passage of time, I will hit stride again, but in the meantime, I feel more busy than I do productive. As the blog posting I linked to above illustrates, I do not value being busy.

Today, I will let my gratitude fall on my current state. In zen fashion, I will accept that this is where I happen to be now. At this moment in time & space, I accept that I am a bit disjointed. It is obviously where and who I need to be. It is silly to say that I am not myself right now; really, who in the hell else would I be? I am always myself. Sometimes that means being in a slightly different state of mind. Better to accept that and be thankful for the awareness that I, like the tides, have an ebb and flow of constant change.


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