Crossroads are a funny thing. They represent opportunity, but they are also very unsettling. As long as we are walking down a straight path we are not faced with many choices, but the sudden appearance of a crossroads make us stop, think, and make a choice. I appear to be at a major crossroad now and it is very daunting.
Through the years I have accumulated a number of people that I have brought openly and completely into my life. A series of recent events has caused me to pause and examine what I get out of these relationships. I am proud that I am such a kind and giving person, I am proud to say that I possess a great reservoir of inner strength. I ask very little of the people around me. I give emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, mentally, and recreationally to all family & friends. I have not requested much in return.
A few of the people I know are absolutely wonderful giving spirits. They are the people I admire and look to for personal inspiration and motivation. I hold them very dear. There are many others in my life that do not enrich my soul. The balance sheet of our interactions ends up being one-sided. That has never really been a problem for me, until now. Perhaps, much like an adolescent having physical growth spurts, I am having a spiritual growth spurt. I feel a strong need to excise all forms of negativity, drama, and needless petty conflict from my life. I am at a crossroads that I do not fully understand, other than, I want more for myself. I need to shift my focus from quantity to quality.
Over the last few years, I have been blessed by the company of some truly life-affirming people. They carry themselves with an aura of peace and inner calm that is infectious. They have created a personal environment that is filled with emotional maturity. They are impervious to the petty conflicts and drama of life. Their resilience is constructed out of a strong self-identity and well crafted boundaries with those they interact with.
There is no Nirvana where life is a Disney-fied fairy tale of perfect existence. I am quite realistic about that. It is a matter of saying no to the daily dose of drama, conflict, and negativity from those who are struggling on their journey. Just like a drowning man can often harm or kill a person trying to save them, proximity to those poor struggling souls can be very emotionally and spiritually draining.
I have created a strong sense of self-identity over the years. I am quite comfortable with who I am and what I am about. My failing has been boundaries. I give too much and accept too little. I realize now that it will be impossible for me to have a high degree of self-respect if I allow those around me to show dis-respect. This will be a tough crossroads for me as I slowly turn to walk down a path that is unfamiliar to me. This path does not look like it has had much traffic; a sign it is the right path but one of solitude.